Got Husband Issues?
I love my husband, but we have had our challenges. I heard a sermon once that stuck with me...
- Men Hunt
- Women Reconnect
The pastor taught that men and women differ emotionally and sexually for very important and specific reasons.
Men (Black & White, Highly Sexual)
Back in the day, men needed to go out and hunt for the family food (The Provider), which could be days or weeks at a time. Plus, they were alone in the field, nothing but them and the forest animals. Hunting required men to have the mentality to work hard, kill, and survive. The state of mind was...
- all or nothing,
- situations were black & white,
- right or wrong,
- I can do this,
- I am strong enough,
- I can fix this, I can solved this ... the list goes on and on.
Most times, men have a quick to the point problem solving attitude. I understand why, in order to hunt they had to complete some overwhelming tasks, plus overcome some powerful obstacles to get that food. (My idea of camping is a hotel with no room service, I can not image... bears, wolves... snakes... you go dude, I will see you at home. Smile) Getting the job done meant feeding, protecting, and caring for their families. Basically, the task of hunting needed to have a certain type of emotional disconnection if they wanted to be successful in the field.
However, the same emotional disconnection could be a problem for the family, so to ensure they returned home God gave men a strong sexual desire (sexual nature) for their wives. This desire for his wife was a motivator for the husband not to stay in the field to long, becoming a strong incentive for him to return home. Ephesians 5:28 - So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. Smile, this is how I understood the sermon.
Women (Nurturer (giver), Communicator, and Slightly Sexual)
Most women are communicators and see a problem not as White and Black, but having large shades of Grey. I like to consider us the thinkers, the compromisers, the negotiator of issues. Now, the wives would have to spend long periods of time alone taking care of home business, farming the animals, and caring for the children. She needed to deal with people and daily troubles, which required patience, communication, thoughtfulness, understanding, compassion, organization, multi-tasking. She was around people, not in the field alone all the time. God lessen her sexual desire to ensure she would not cheat or skip out on the husband. Her daily tasks required a strong emotional connection. This connection enable her to help her husband reconnect emotionally to his family when he return home.
The Marriage Connection
Their physical desires would meet in the middle, highlighting her passion for him, while he rediscovered his connection to his home (family, children, friends... and his emotions like compassion).
A New Perspective
Proverbs 31:10-31 - Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price [is] far above rubies. The virtuous woman is not made overnight, nor is she born, we learn thru the trials of life. Life is a testimony... so my advice is pray that God will make you into the person He would have you to be. I tell you the truth, when you start praying that prayer... you will start having trials that mirror a list of what makes a virtuous woman. How you handle those trials, defines when you start checking off the characteristics of the virtuous woman one by one. Amen! Father God our teacher. Jehovah Makkeh - The Lord Who Molds Me!
“And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
Remember, wives... you were made from the rib of your husband, not the back bone. Trust and relay on him. Today's women, think we need to have it all together, but this was not God's plan for us. We are to trust, respect, and relay on our mates. It's ok to submit, if he is moving in a direction you do not agree, go to God and pray.
1 Corinthians 11:3 New King James Version (NKJV)
3 But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. Always put your trust in God and find scriptures to pray about your issue specifically. Search Google for scriptures on love and marriage, unsaved husbands...etc. Spiritually fight, fight for your family, take it to the throne and lay the burden at God's feet.
I use to be so angry with my husband for certain tasks I felt he should do... but one day God reminded me... if he was not with me I would have to complete the task on my own. I realized that anything my husband does is more (additional) to if I was alone. If he does not take out the trash, who would have to do it if he were not at home. It puts things into a different light. This way of thinking allowed me to appreciate everything he does on a daily basis, not just focus on what he did not do that day.
Marriage is hard and complex, trust me I will be writing more about it in the future, but for now... here is the best advice I can pass on to you, from one wife, who has been married for 22 years and counting.
- What ever your husband does be joyous, remember if he was not there you would need to handle it anyway on your own.
- Relationships are like Oil and Water, shake it up sometimes, step out of your comfort zone and do something new (go ice skating, take a shower together and wash each other, or go see Six Flags Holiday of Lights)
-Always plan and go on your Couple Date Night
-Put your relationship with God 1st, your relationship as a couple 2nd, and your children 3rd, a happy mom and dad make much better parents and children need love most of all.
- Be prepared for some pain and compromise, this is apart of life and marriage
- Before you speak ... seek ye first to understand (there are always two sides, ask yourself what is another point of view?) If I said to you ... the sky is blue, look up is it black (night), orange/red (sun rise or sun set), gray and cloudy (rain is coming) there are always two sides, learn to embrace it.
-Yes, remember marriage is hard, but it's always worth the ride
Put God First in All Things - these pieces of advice (listed below) are the most important:
- Invite God into your marriage
- Invite God into your bedroom
- Pray Together, Pray as a Family, and Pray Alone
My husband and I almost got a divorce once, praying these scriptures got me thru that test. I still pray them almost every day, mostly when I'm doing my intercessory prayers. These are scriptures that work best if you are unequally yoked, meaning one partner is not a believer in Jesus Christ.
1 Peter 3:1
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
1 Corinthians 7:13 - 15
13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
Action Item: Sit in bed with your partner, hold hands, and look into each other eyes. Smile and Pray together. Invite God into your marriage and into your bedroom. Tell each other what you love about them and read the book of Songs of Solomon together. You read a paragraph and then he reads a paragraph. Take turns... touch him where you want to be touched, then have him do the same. Give of yourself to one another and trust your relationship to God.
Thank you Father for you are great. Help us to pray an honest prayer from the depths of our hearts and souls. We love you Jesus and we want to thank you for our marriage. We ask that you come into our marriage and that you touch our hearts, so that we may love each other and trust in each other. I pray that you will remove the plank from our eyes, Matthew 7:3-5 so that we may grow and learn how to respect and love one another. Lord, I ask you to help us remember that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. 1 Corinthians 11:3 Lord, I ask that you help us to be the people you would have us to be. Help us to have the marriage You Will for us to have. Enable the husband to be a man of God, who puts his trust in You, the Provider. God enable the wife to prosper on the journey of becoming a virtuous wife. Father, help us to forgive each other for any pain we may have caused and help us to forgive ourselves for things we may have done or said, that pained each other. Help us by taming our tongues in times of trouble, help us to go to your Word and pray and seek your guidance. We need you Jesus in our hearts, minds, body, and lives yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Amen!
Happy Thanksgiving! Be blessed and Stay Fit.